We still have a blog?
By Stevie P.
I really don't want to work today. I REALLY do not want to work. I'm avoiding work at all costs. I mean... I'm avoiding working so much that I actually thought to myself - "Hey, self... I think I'll make a blog post". I know... I've hit rock bottom. Again.
My adventure got off to a bad start when I couldn't remember my Blogger user name. Then it occured to me - I haven't made a blog entry in over two months. That's especially bad when you consider the fact that I used to make about 25 a day. Each one better than the last, ofcourse. The best part about this blog is that it never went downhill.
Speaking of this blog never going downhill, has anyone seen any good YouTube videos lately?
The last blog entry that was made on this blog which wasn't just a video or picture was made on the 6th of September. It was two paragraphs about how my fish died. I still miss that fish. The loss of Natalie Portman has left a void in my life which may never be filled. The empty fish tank is a constant reminder which I constantly remember every week or so when I notice the tank doesn't have water in it anymore..... constantly speaking.........
The last real good blog posts were my rant about Alice in Chains (Aug 24th) and Billy Bob's letter he received from God (Aug 19th). And let's face it... those weren't that good.
Infact, you might even say that the only way this blog could be worse is if someone invented a program which takes any webpage and converts its text into street-talkin' jive. I realize you're probably all thinking to yourselves, "Fo' shizzle tha hizzy would be outstandingly spectacular". Let's say, hypothetically, they called it Gizoogle. Now, take my classic blog post, What's the deal with Mustard, and cool-ify it.
What the fuck is a "Hizzy" anyways? According to the Urban Dictionary it means "place of residence". Silly me, I've been calling it a house all this time. Boy is my face red...
Has anyone purchased the most current Fifty Cents compact disk recently?
Back to the point at hand. This blog hasn't only been going downhill because of it's lack of ebonic slang (I ain't playin' nigga) or the fact that it fell of the face of the earth. Well, the inter-earth at least. It's not the blog's lack of content, it's its content that makes it terrible. It because of shit-post for movies. I'll be the first to admit that the movies were hilarious, but you know what else is hilarious - YouTube. For some reason, people just weren't hearding to 3DG in the same numbers they were hearding to YouTube. For some unexplained reason, Google didn't pay us 1.65 Billion dollars for the rights to our blog. I know... I was shocked too. They didn't even make us an offer. Not only that, I offered them everything I own if they would just take it from us and all they did was tell me to stop contacting them filed a restraining order. I must stay at least 1km away from Google at all times.
Back when this blog was in it's prime (yes... we did have a prime) we were actually successful. Not many people know, but we were #71 on the Top 100 Comedy Blogs on the internet for a brief period of time. We were on top of the world. All the money and power three drunk people could ever want at our disposal. We were business masterminds, selling and trading people like Nike. Then, for some reason, the fans just stopped coming. How are we supposed to compete with The Magic Bullet Blog? Personally, I blame the economy.
Other people say the fans stopped coming because the fans never actually came in the first place. Each their own, I suppose.
Can we turn this blog around? Probably not. It's too far removed from reality. Would we turn it around even if we wanted to? Fuck no!!! Blogging is so early 2006. That's, like, so April. Totally... you know.
I think the root of the problem was the combination of the two master blogs. Stevie P's Blog and Balsom's Blog, on their own, were beautiful things. Add Jeff into the equation and disaster ensues. This simple algebra. Try to keep up.
Jeff + anything = bad
anything = good + bad
Therefore - Jeff = bad
I think the moral of the story is that Jeff is bad and the cause of everything that has ever gone wrong with stuff.
My adventure got off to a bad start when I couldn't remember my Blogger user name. Then it occured to me - I haven't made a blog entry in over two months. That's especially bad when you consider the fact that I used to make about 25 a day. Each one better than the last, ofcourse. The best part about this blog is that it never went downhill.
Speaking of this blog never going downhill, has anyone seen any good YouTube videos lately?
The last blog entry that was made on this blog which wasn't just a video or picture was made on the 6th of September. It was two paragraphs about how my fish died. I still miss that fish. The loss of Natalie Portman has left a void in my life which may never be filled. The empty fish tank is a constant reminder which I constantly remember every week or so when I notice the tank doesn't have water in it anymore..... constantly speaking.........
The last real good blog posts were my rant about Alice in Chains (Aug 24th) and Billy Bob's letter he received from God (Aug 19th). And let's face it... those weren't that good.
Infact, you might even say that the only way this blog could be worse is if someone invented a program which takes any webpage and converts its text into street-talkin' jive. I realize you're probably all thinking to yourselves, "Fo' shizzle tha hizzy would be outstandingly spectacular". Let's say, hypothetically, they called it Gizoogle. Now, take my classic blog post, What's the deal with Mustard, and cool-ify it.
What the fuck is a "Hizzy" anyways? According to the Urban Dictionary it means "place of residence". Silly me, I've been calling it a house all this time. Boy is my face red...
Has anyone purchased the most current Fifty Cents compact disk recently?
Back to the point at hand. This blog hasn't only been going downhill because of it's lack of ebonic slang (I ain't playin' nigga) or the fact that it fell of the face of the earth. Well, the inter-earth at least. It's not the blog's lack of content, it's its content that makes it terrible. It because of shit-post for movies. I'll be the first to admit that the movies were hilarious, but you know what else is hilarious - YouTube. For some reason, people just weren't hearding to 3DG in the same numbers they were hearding to YouTube. For some unexplained reason, Google didn't pay us 1.65 Billion dollars for the rights to our blog. I know... I was shocked too. They didn't even make us an offer. Not only that, I offered them everything I own if they would just take it from us and all they did was tell me to stop contacting them filed a restraining order. I must stay at least 1km away from Google at all times.
Back when this blog was in it's prime (yes... we did have a prime) we were actually successful. Not many people know, but we were #71 on the Top 100 Comedy Blogs on the internet for a brief period of time. We were on top of the world. All the money and power three drunk people could ever want at our disposal. We were business masterminds, selling and trading people like Nike. Then, for some reason, the fans just stopped coming. How are we supposed to compete with The Magic Bullet Blog? Personally, I blame the economy.
Other people say the fans stopped coming because the fans never actually came in the first place. Each their own, I suppose.
Can we turn this blog around? Probably not. It's too far removed from reality. Would we turn it around even if we wanted to? Fuck no!!! Blogging is so early 2006. That's, like, so April. Totally... you know.
I think the root of the problem was the combination of the two master blogs. Stevie P's Blog and Balsom's Blog, on their own, were beautiful things. Add Jeff into the equation and disaster ensues. This simple algebra. Try to keep up.
Jeff + anything = bad
anything = good + bad
Therefore - Jeff = bad
I think the moral of the story is that Jeff is bad and the cause of everything that has ever gone wrong with stuff.
That was not a good post. In fact, I'm going to end this travestry of a blog and delete it.
Or at least I would, if it weren't going to be a jumping off point for my political career, and the announcement page for the International Day of Sandwich.
Posted by
Billy Bob |
1:09 PM
IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!
Jeff doesn't equal bad..
According to your equation (Move my glasses nerdily with one finger)...
Jeff = - good
Yes, thats right. I don't equal bad.. I equal negative good...
Let me dumb it down for you with some simple algebra...
J = Jeff
A = Anything
G = Good
B = Bad
You started with equation A:
J + A = B
Then introduced equation B:
A = G + B
changing equation B to read:
B = A - G
If B = J + A (From equation 1)
and B = A - G (From equation 2)
Then J + A = A - G
Subtrating A from both sides makes
....
J = - G
Jeff = negative good...
YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But one could argue that negative good is bad and you would be right and I wasted 4 minutes of my life...
I'm going to make a sandwich.. bye
Posted by
Jeff |
11:08 PM