Dear Internet
By Billy Bob
Dear Three Drunk Guys,
I do not apologize for the amount of space in this letter I intend to devote to telling you about Mr. Stevie P Proulx. Let us note first of all that there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I believe, there's a time to keep our priorities in check. Or, to put it less poetically, everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, "The Naked Aggression of Stevie P Proulx". In it, I chronicle all of Stevie P's accusations, from the brain-damaged to the presumptuous, and conclude that I unmistakably dislike Stevie P. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that if we don't remove the Stevie P Proulx threat now, it will bite us in our backside one day. It's our responsibility to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. That's the first step in trying to detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart his ill-bred, hostile schemes, and it's the only way to put the kibosh on his fibs. Stevie P uses big words like "conventionalization" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Stevie P's teachings may reek like a skunk, if the past is any indication of the future, Stevie P will once again attempt to hasten the destruction of our civilization. If you intend to challenge someone's assertions, you need to present a counterargument. He provides none. Finally, to those of you who are faithfully helping me protect the interests of the general public against the greed and unreason of savage swindlers, let me extend, as always, my deepest gratitude and my most affectionate regards.
Sincerely,
Some Jerk
This post brought to you by Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator
I do not apologize for the amount of space in this letter I intend to devote to telling you about Mr. Stevie P Proulx. Let us note first of all that there's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I believe, there's a time to keep our priorities in check. Or, to put it less poetically, everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, "The Naked Aggression of Stevie P Proulx". In it, I chronicle all of Stevie P's accusations, from the brain-damaged to the presumptuous, and conclude that I unmistakably dislike Stevie P. Likes or dislikes, however, are irrelevant to observed facts, such as that if we don't remove the Stevie P Proulx threat now, it will bite us in our backside one day. It's our responsibility to point out that the emperor has no clothes on. That's the first step in trying to detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart his ill-bred, hostile schemes, and it's the only way to put the kibosh on his fibs. Stevie P uses big words like "conventionalization" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Stevie P's teachings may reek like a skunk, if the past is any indication of the future, Stevie P will once again attempt to hasten the destruction of our civilization. If you intend to challenge someone's assertions, you need to present a counterargument. He provides none. Finally, to those of you who are faithfully helping me protect the interests of the general public against the greed and unreason of savage swindlers, let me extend, as always, my deepest gratitude and my most affectionate regards.
Sincerely,
Some Jerk
This post brought to you by Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator
