How movies may have been...
By Billy Bob
Top 25 Rejected Movie Roles -- notstarring.com
Here's some interesting factoids:
Life is like a dead rapper... You never know when he's gonna put out another album
Tupac Shakur, Dave Chapelle, and David Alan Grier were up for the roles of Bubba in Forrest Gump. Bill Murray and John Travolta were considered for the role of Forrest. I can just see it now... "Hey hey Mr. Kot-tair... Ya wan' som chok-latts?"
GIGAWATTS!!! Nope, just not the same.
Great Scott! Eric Stoltz was supposed to play Marty McFly in Back to the Future (who the hell is Eric Stoltz, anyway?) Jeff Goldblum was to play Doc... Glad that combo didn't work out... otherwise, we might never have heard of JIGAWATTS!!!
I want to see Lord of the Rings, as performed by mexican midget wrestlers.
Sean Connery as Gandalf would have been cool... But Keanu Reeves as Aragorn. That would have been... Neo-riffic... Too bad the didn't cast Kareem-Abdul Jabbar as Samwise... now that would have been interesting. Oh, but wait... there were no black people in Lord of the Rings... Although I'm seeing Denzel Washington as Frodo ("I am the po-lice, er, ring-bearer") and Morgan Freeman as Gandalf... ok, I'll stop now.
Needs more Banthabell
Cristopher Walken as Han Solo... "The Millenium Falcon has a fever... and the only cure is more banthabell." Sylverster Stallone, Kurt Russell, Burt Reynolds, and Al Pacino were also up for the role of Han Solo. My bladder hurts thinking about any of those choices.
John Travolta was up for Luke Skywalker too. "Hey hey, Mr. Kot-tair, I jas blew up dat dethstar thingy."
On the subject of Star Wars, it would have been interesting to see Chewy played by a midget.
It is not the spoon that bends, it is only your shitty acting
Kevin Costner as Neo... yep. Had to read that one twice too.
I think the best was the line from Will Smith, who wanted the part of Neo, but was happy because, and I quote, "Keanu was brilliant as Neo." Alright Will, get to the back of the short bus... First rule of the internet, you never, never use the words Keanu and brilliant in the same sentance. Seriously though, I think Johnny Depp, Val Kilmer or Ewan McGregor would have done a pretty good job as Neo.
Then there's Lou Diamond Phillips, who was sent the script but his agent told him that the movie would flop. Five bucks says that agent's fired now... Hey Lou, get back to hosting shitty reality TV.
I'll be aquitted
OJ Simpson as the Terminator? He didn't get it because the producers feared he wouldn't be taken seriously? Wow, take a bow, Mr. Obvious.
Mel Gibson as the Terminator? No comment.
Oh look... a manly horse-shit and gunpowder movie!
Matt Damon, Colin Farrell, and Josh Hartnett were considered for the third gayest cowboy movie ever... But rumour has it they've signed up for the sequal... Brokeback does Dallas.
Um, how come you can receive weak signals from space, but you can't use a radio in the Louvre?
Ok, in my mind, there is only one set of actors who could have done justice to the book... You know who I'm talking about... Keanu Reeves as Robert Langdon and Sandra Bullock as Sophie. Of course, they do have that credibility from Speed to maintain.
Edgar as Stay Puft? I could see it
Imagine this lineup as the Ghostbusters:
John Belushi as Peter Venkman
Eddie Murphy as Winston
John Candy as Rick Moranis' character
Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) as Gozer
Now that would have been something... but thankfully, we have our Bill Murray, and the token black guy who played Winston. It would have been interesting to see Pee Wee herman up there on top of the building with fire and brimstone shooting from the sky, only to have big Pee Wee start diddling little pee wee... Did I cross a line?
Your Picks... Ok, actually more of my picks
Well, that's all I have for this train wreck of a p0st... but let's start a little discussion in the comments here. When George Lucas starts running out of money and redubs Star Wars using current actors, who will he use? Here's my version, using members of the Frat Pack...
Luke Skywalker - Luke Wilson
Han Solo - Vince Vaughan
Chewbacca - Jack Black
Leia - Jennifer Aniston
Obi Wan - Will Farrell
Lando Calrissian - Snoop Dogg
Darth Vader - Steve Carrell
C3P0 - Owen Wilson
R2D2 - Ben Stiller
Yoda - Paul Rudd
The Emporer - David Koechner (Champ Kind, from Anchorman)
That would be the best movie EVER!!!
Here's some interesting factoids:
Life is like a dead rapper... You never know when he's gonna put out another album
Tupac Shakur, Dave Chapelle, and David Alan Grier were up for the roles of Bubba in Forrest Gump. Bill Murray and John Travolta were considered for the role of Forrest. I can just see it now... "Hey hey Mr. Kot-tair... Ya wan' som chok-latts?"
GIGAWATTS!!! Nope, just not the same.
Great Scott! Eric Stoltz was supposed to play Marty McFly in Back to the Future (who the hell is Eric Stoltz, anyway?) Jeff Goldblum was to play Doc... Glad that combo didn't work out... otherwise, we might never have heard of JIGAWATTS!!!
I want to see Lord of the Rings, as performed by mexican midget wrestlers.
Sean Connery as Gandalf would have been cool... But Keanu Reeves as Aragorn. That would have been... Neo-riffic... Too bad the didn't cast Kareem-Abdul Jabbar as Samwise... now that would have been interesting. Oh, but wait... there were no black people in Lord of the Rings... Although I'm seeing Denzel Washington as Frodo ("I am the po-lice, er, ring-bearer") and Morgan Freeman as Gandalf... ok, I'll stop now.
Needs more Banthabell
Cristopher Walken as Han Solo... "The Millenium Falcon has a fever... and the only cure is more banthabell." Sylverster Stallone, Kurt Russell, Burt Reynolds, and Al Pacino were also up for the role of Han Solo. My bladder hurts thinking about any of those choices.
John Travolta was up for Luke Skywalker too. "Hey hey, Mr. Kot-tair, I jas blew up dat dethstar thingy."
On the subject of Star Wars, it would have been interesting to see Chewy played by a midget.
It is not the spoon that bends, it is only your shitty acting
Kevin Costner as Neo... yep. Had to read that one twice too.
I think the best was the line from Will Smith, who wanted the part of Neo, but was happy because, and I quote, "Keanu was brilliant as Neo." Alright Will, get to the back of the short bus... First rule of the internet, you never, never use the words Keanu and brilliant in the same sentance. Seriously though, I think Johnny Depp, Val Kilmer or Ewan McGregor would have done a pretty good job as Neo.
Then there's Lou Diamond Phillips, who was sent the script but his agent told him that the movie would flop. Five bucks says that agent's fired now... Hey Lou, get back to hosting shitty reality TV.
I'll be aquitted
OJ Simpson as the Terminator? He didn't get it because the producers feared he wouldn't be taken seriously? Wow, take a bow, Mr. Obvious.
Mel Gibson as the Terminator? No comment.
Oh look... a manly horse-shit and gunpowder movie!
Matt Damon, Colin Farrell, and Josh Hartnett were considered for the third gayest cowboy movie ever... But rumour has it they've signed up for the sequal... Brokeback does Dallas.
Um, how come you can receive weak signals from space, but you can't use a radio in the Louvre?
Ok, in my mind, there is only one set of actors who could have done justice to the book... You know who I'm talking about... Keanu Reeves as Robert Langdon and Sandra Bullock as Sophie. Of course, they do have that credibility from Speed to maintain.
Edgar as Stay Puft? I could see it
Imagine this lineup as the Ghostbusters:
John Belushi as Peter Venkman
Eddie Murphy as Winston
John Candy as Rick Moranis' character
Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) as Gozer
Now that would have been something... but thankfully, we have our Bill Murray, and the token black guy who played Winston. It would have been interesting to see Pee Wee herman up there on top of the building with fire and brimstone shooting from the sky, only to have big Pee Wee start diddling little pee wee... Did I cross a line?
Your Picks... Ok, actually more of my picks
Well, that's all I have for this train wreck of a p0st... but let's start a little discussion in the comments here. When George Lucas starts running out of money and redubs Star Wars using current actors, who will he use? Here's my version, using members of the Frat Pack...
Luke Skywalker - Luke Wilson
Han Solo - Vince Vaughan
Chewbacca - Jack Black
Leia - Jennifer Aniston
Obi Wan - Will Farrell
Lando Calrissian - Snoop Dogg
Darth Vader - Steve Carrell
C3P0 - Owen Wilson
R2D2 - Ben Stiller
Yoda - Paul Rudd
The Emporer - David Koechner (Champ Kind, from Anchorman)
That would be the best movie EVER!!!
