Tim Horton's Drive Thru Menu Reduction Petition

Ok, time for a good old fashioned rant.

Tim Horton's is a truly Canadian establishment, serving up wonderfully addictive coffee, doughnuts, pastries, bagels, sandwiches, and most importantly, iced cappacino. The Tim Horton's drive thru is also a proud Canadian experience.

Unfortunately, that experience has become sullied as of late, as it appears that more and more people are ordering things like toasted bagels and sandwiches through the drive thru. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the toasted bagels and sandwiches, but the truth of the matter is, in a drive thru setting, people who order sandwiches and toasted treats do nothing but gum up the works.

Tim Horton's doesn't accept interac because it slows down their service. Well, you know what else slows down their service? PEOPLE ORDERING THREE SANDWICHES AT THE DRIVE THRU.

I mean, seriously, if you're going to order sandwiches, take the time to park, get out of your car, and go inside. Ordering sandwiches at the drive thru slows everything down, and turns a relatively quick wait in a drive thru to an unbearable torture.

Here are my suggested Tim Horton's drive thru rules of ettiquette... We'll call them Billy Bob's Rules of Tim Horton's Drive Thru Etiquette (catchy title, eh?)

1. Know ahead of time what you want (you're only getting coffee and a doughnut, so it's not really necessary to spend fifteen minutes looking at the menu).

1a. If you don't know what you want, go inside. The drive thru is for people who know what they want, and as the menu is woefully inadequate at convincing you what you want, you might as well bight the bullet and go in.

2. Drive up to the order box and state clearly what you want. Do not exchange pleasantries with the speaker box, because the people behind the order box will mistake it for extra coffee. Do not have a conversation with the order box, do not ask what's good. Simply drive up, and say what you want, nothing more, nothing less.

2a. Do not order sandwiches or a toasted bagel or anything that requires the staff at Tim Horton's to do anything other than pour coffee or pick up a doughnut.

3. While waiting your turn, prepare the money. It's sitting in your change container in your vehicle anyway, and if it's not, prepare the money before you get to the drive thru. Do not spend fifteen minutes fumbling around once you get to the payment window. It took you fifteen minutes to get there, you should have spent the time wisely, rather than talking on your cell phone or air guitaring the latest Enrique Iglesias megahit.

4. Hand the money directly to the person. Correct change is appreciated, but I'm well aware that's not always possible. Do not put the change on the ledge, as more often than not, the Tim Horton's employee will (a) not see it, (b) have to struggle to pick it up, or (c) knock it onto the ground.

4a. If you drop change on the ground, let it go. It belongs to the world now. Consider it a stupid tax.

4b. Tim Horton's does not accept interac. It never has, it never will. Stop trying to pay with it.

5. Pick up your order and immediately drive away. If you have to stop and check your order, at least drive up a car length so the person behind you can get on with his/her business.

5a. If they messed up your order, it's your own fault for (a) ordering something so complex that you should have gone inside in the first place, or (b) you were not clear when you ordered. If you do have to return the order, get out of your car and go inside to get it straightened out. Do not, I repeat, do not try to figure it out at the drive thru window.

In any event, if everyone followed these simple rules, the Tim Horton's drive thru experience would be much more pleasant. We can't really do much about people's drive thru etiquette except educate them, but we can ask Tim Horton's to do all they can. And for that reason, I have drafted a petition that asks Tim Horton's to stop accepting orders for sandwiches and bagels at the drive thru.

It won't solve the problem of lengthy drive thru times, but at least it's a start. Together, we can change the world.

So please, sign my petition.

Tim Horton's Drive Thru Menu Reduction Petition